Hope Springs Eternal?

It's almost the end of February and not a spring-like forecast in sight. It seems like since they came up with the name "Polar Vortex" Mother Nature was so pleased she's letting it stick around a little longer. I haven't ridden or even seen my horse in over a month. I have settled into my mid-winter funk and have no intention of getting out of it until the thermometer reads well above zero (Celsius, that is). A couple of weeks ago I did hear a cardinal calling one morning and my heart leapt but the poor old thing must have retreated back into our cedar hedge because I haven't heard a peep since. Georgian Bay has been frozen solid for the first time since we moved here and although it opened because of the winds the other day it is ice-covered again this morning. I have also had to keep the house show-ready every week as we still haven't sold after six months on the market.  My Other Half is away for two weeks at a boat show and I think it is because he was around for most of January that I am finding it so hard to cope without him, of course the boys schedules are crazy and I spend far too much time driving back and forth to the ski hill which is resulting in a formidable gas bill. My Dad, as usual, has stepped in to help out and I will get a break on Thursday night and Friday when I am at our ski club's Ladies Day.

But I have been having a tough time coming up with good things to think about lately (especially as Downton Abbey has finished for another season) and have even tried writing them down when I do but it hasn't helped much. So this is what I have come up with thus far:

• We all are in bed by 9:30pm most nights, that means lights out for the 11, 13 and 15 year old as well as my Other Half and I pretty much all at the same time. No. 2 Son always pushes it and wants to watch TV or read and now that we have finally weaned them off of us lying with them every night he can read a little after we shut our door. I used to consider myself a night owl but maybe that was only in relation to the morning person I sleep with. Now if I am up past ten I am a basket case in the morning. I really do believe that every hour before midnight counts as double. Boring but hopefully rather virtuous.

• I have pretty much given up drinking as the combination of staying up late and having even two glasses of wine is lethal. Also, we have entered the era of having to drive our teenagers to and from movies and parties at all hours, although last weekend No. 1 Son took a cab home at midnight which, while costly, was worth me not having to get out of bed to retrieve him. I also have lost all my sense of taste since getting sick over a month ago so I can't even enjoy a good red anymore. Unfortunately this hasn't carried over into eating as I keep cooking things like rice pudding or chocolate chip cookies to see if I can taste them. I have also stopped drinking coffee and now am a green tea granny. Again, it was the fact that after getting sick I suddenly couldn't stand the taste of coffee but I still miss it.

• We have been consistent in one area with the boys - all screens stay on the kitchen counter at night. No one, including myself and my OH have their phones in our rooms at night. Again, No. 2 is the hardest to police and No. 1 does have his computer in his room but he is so tired at the end of a day of training, dry land and classes that he can barely keep his eyes open and is often the first to put himself to bed.

• I cook and we eat homemade meals 90% of the time and when we do go out it is to places that don't serve prepackaged meals. Our only fast food foray might be to Tim Horton's as a last resort. The boys, for the most part (No. 2 is again the challenge, no surprise) make healthy snacks after school and pack their own lunches every morning. We go through more eggs, bacon and tuna than is prescribed in the food pyramid but I make complete dinners and always have cut up veggies on the table. They all complain from time to time but I refuse to act as short order cook and prepare separate meals according to their whims. I am also forcing encouraging them to cook more things other than just breakfast or Kraft Dinner on their own.

So that's it, my list of good things for now. There are plenty of other things I would like to be able to add such as less yelling by everyone on the house, getting more exercise and finding something that excites me outside of the house. In the meantime I am spending too much time on line and watching reruns of the Gilmore Girls. 

I know, I know ... it's been a while

Not just a while but a very long while encompassing a very long summer and an already busy fall. We had home-from-camp early drama (don't know if I'll ever get over having to bring No. 2 Son home on Visitor's Day or the camp's non-existant response to the issues) as well as the all-3-boys-are-home-at-the-same-time drama for the other 7 weeks of the summer. But everyone survived.

My Happy Place

My Other Half and I had exactly 48 hours alone all summer and we packed in as much as possible. I finally got him on a horse and he survived. We went sailing and had dinner out. Too short but we are planning another getaway to celebrate our *gasp* 23rd anniversary next month. The four days we are away next week delivering boats doesn't count.

Two of my favourite males

So now everyone is back at school and relatively happy, Numbers 2 & 3 have the teachers they want. No. 3 went through some educational assessment testing this summer and his teacher is working on an IEP for him which we are greeting with enthusiasm but also with some trepidation as I am wary of too many accommodations being made so that he can get through school. But I have also found a wonderful after school tutor who will be henceforth be known as his "reading coach." Already he is happier at school, doing homework and in general.

Of course now that it is almost officially fall the boys are counting down the days til the *brrr* snow started falling and they can get back on their skis. No. 1 spent 10 days on a glacier at Mount Hood, Oregon and is keener than ever (if that is possible) He will be heading back to Colorado in November and No. 2 to Vermont in December. We are, if nothing else, a ski-crazy family, much like I imagine football or baseball-obessed people are down south.

On the snow in August

No. 1 survived the first week of high school. The bus, the older kids, the maze of hallways and timetable and seems to be settling in. The only problem for all the boys is that there is a work action (or inaction depending on your view point) by our public school teachers which means there are no extra curriculars being offered. No school teams or clubs or extras which is particularly tough on No. 2 Son who has waited for 6 years to be able to try out for a school team in grade 7. I believe that both the government and the teachers are at fault this time but of course it is only the kids who are being affected.

What else? Let's see, I am no longer cheese mongering but rather spending more time on supporting our own business through the website and of course, tagging along on deliveries to places like Maine and Rhode Island where I can visit friends. I have started going to Pilates again and hope to get, if not back into shape, at lease be less creaky and cranky. Unfortunately I seem to be suffering from "Chuck It Elbow" a common affliction amongst owners of ball-obsessed dogs.

We spend hours at the beach throwing things

And, while there are no guaranties that I will be posting with any regularity for those of you who might drop by, I will attempt to put up something new to look at every once in a while, in the meantime I am on Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest far too often of you want to find me.

This just about sums up my weekend

Two nights out in a row, at my advanced age is definitely something to celebrate. And we did. (Un)fortunately there is no photographic evidence (that I know of) from either Friday or Saturday night or either of the mornings after. All I know is that I must be maturing (finally) because I did not drink tequila and wisely stuck to champagne. My Other Half always seems to know what I need for my birthday and this year was no exception, dinner with seven of our oldest (and bestest) friends. I am very lucky to have them all in my life.

Sure Signs of a Mid Life Crisis

Here's the post that was supposed to go with the silver snakeskin shoes.

It seems I can blame the mid-life malaise I have been experiencing over the last few weeks and months on the stars. And as if this wasn't enough of a wake up call for me as I jumped up and over the mid-life hump yesterday and landed on the downward slide to *gasp* fifty (doesn't look as shocking when written rather than the actual number) but even the venerable Globe & Mail horoscope knows I have to get my act together and figure out what the hell I am going to do in the second act of my life.

The crisis began a while ago but escalated while I was preparing for my mother's 70th birthday. As I scanned old photos of her and we asked old friends and family to write something in her honour the emails began to pour in from her childhood, school, camp and life-long friends. Although she now has very little contact with most of these people they all contributed the most wonderful words. She was a role model for so many as a camp director. She did so much as a young mother at home and in our community - renovating a falling-down farmhouse, writing a newspaper column, organizing an after-school programme, bringing performing arts groups to our small, rural community. She tapped, trees, boiled sap and bottled homemade maple syrup and started vegetables from seed. Does anyone does that anymore? As I wrote in a previous post she created a home which everyone loved. My greatest fear is that I can't and won't ever measure up to either of my parents. I guess it's time to wake up and figure out what to do now.

But of course the real sign that I am officially in a mid-life crisis is that I spent over an hour in Winners yesterday trying on shoes and was completely incapable of making a decision. I need something to wear on a daily basis other than my Blundstone boots and running shoes. Something cute but grown up and I also needed a pair to wear with a black dress to a gala honouring my Dad (don't even get me started on his accomplishments, he retired at 44, for god's sake) I wanted something fun but classic and I was completely stumped looking at all the shoes. Most were way too high for me to even attempt to wear and the rest were just ugly. I finally found these and had to take picture and send it to my best friend who lives and works in the real world to see if I was way off base.

So, the verdict was that the silver snakeskin makes them fun while the classic style means they aren't tacky. Right?

I think I obsessed over them to take my mind off the horoscope.

Is it just me or does something smell a little off?

Much as I predicted the record-breaking summer-like weather we had while the boys were on Spring Break has come and gone just as I feel my energy level returning. After over a week of feeling like complete and utter crap I can finally get out of bed and attempt to look after my children (sort of). My Other Half seems to have beaten this flu back or is just a whole lot tougher than me (unlikely, but he has soldiered on). But the fallout seems to be that I have no sense of taste or smell. Nothing. Upside is I couldn't smell anything as I pooper-scooped the backyard yesterday. Downside? I couldn't smell or taste the brownies I made last night for the boys. Upside? I couldn't care less about eating anything and might lose some weight. Downside? I keep trying things to see if I can taste them so I might not lose any weight.

It is the strangest sensation (or lack thereof) brushing your teeth and not tasting the minty toothpaste. I can't tell if I have horrible morning breath or if my teenager has left his stinky socks and shoes in the hall. I went on-line to see if this was an unusual after effect of the flu and it isn't unheard of but I have never had it happen before but then again I don't think I have every had the real full-blown flu. The one they warn you about and tell you to get vaccinated against. I am sorely missing my morning cup of coffee. I bought Eggo waffles ostensibly for the boys but really for me to eat to see if I could detect their chemically-induced tastiness. Last night I barbecued steak and veggies for a steak and feta salad and I couldn't even smell the barbecue burning off the fish from the last time we used it wafting in the open window. It sucks, there's no other way to describe it. I love to cook and I love to eat. I can't imagine not tasting wine again or smelling the lilacs blooming which, at the rate this year is going, may happen sooner rather than later. And if I can't go up to the barn and breath in the smell of leather and hay and horses, my life will be poorer, indeed.

Has anyone else had this happen to them? I have a couple of friends who lost their sense of smell and with it goes taste because of medical treatments and I am hoping this isn't permanent although a month or so would get my weight down to a more manageable level for the summer. In the meantime, I will keep trying things - salty, sweet, bitter, anything and hope for the best.

Is this too big for a Stocking Stuffer?

It's a coffee mug

It's gonna be a helluva week

Now I have to be organized. Starting right now even though I am wasting time reading blogs and writing posts. I have today and tomorrow to get ready for Thanksgiving. Don't panic if you're south of the border, you didn't fall asleep and wake up seven weeks late. This coming weekend is our Thanksgiving up here in the Great (not yet white, thank god) North and I have to get everything bought, prepped and ready to go because my Other Half and I leave Friday morning for my cousins wedding and my Mum and Aunt will be staying with the boys until we get home on Sunday when we will have our turkey dinner. Not that it's really a big deal as we have never done an over the top, fully decorated and gourmet meal. But we also have friends who are thinking of moving up to our area coming on Sunday to join us and then go house hunting on Monday so that means that there will be the five of us, Mum, aunt, sister's three and four more guests for dinner. It's a five hour drive from where the wedding is so even if we skip the Sunday brunch it is going to be tight getting home and putting dinner on the table. And despite the fact (or perhaps because of it) my Mum did Thanksgiving for 30 years or more she no longer has any interest in the tradition. I am hoping I can leave her a list and Number One Son who is becoming quite the cook will be able to at least peel some potatoes and maybe even make the stuffing. We barbecue the turkey so it doesn't take up oven space and is done in much less time and it is so much tastier but I can't quite imagine my newly minted teenager sticking his hand in the bird to stuff it. Fingers crossed we can pull this off.

As for the wedding, I am looking forward to it, although what to wear is a little problematic on several fronts. One - the weather. It could be warm, sunny and a glorious fall day or it could be cold, wet and miserable much like today. What to wear? Open toed shoes? Stockings? Hell, I just put socks on for the first time this past weekend. I have two dress options, both black, and v-neck so I hope to find a really fun and funky necklace. When? I'm not sure as I work Wednesday and Thursday so it's today or tomorrow. Problem Number Two - what to wear? If I am honest this isn't a problem since it doesn't really matter what the 45 year old cousin of the groom wears since the bride is 29, a stylist who regularly appears on TV and the groom, 36 are both gorgeous, as are all of their friends. So again, what I wear isn't really relevant other than I want to feel and look good for myself and my date which is a bit of a struggle between being looking sleek and sexy both with the dress on and later when it finally comes off. But Spanx are a turn on, right?

So wish me luck on the pre-Thanksgiving organization front, the What to Wear dilemma and, of course, getting out of the house on Friday with the list of everything the boys have to do on the weekend - hockey, dry land training, friends over to play so they don't kill one another, enough food in the fridge for the never-ending eating they now do. It's never easy leaving even at the best of times, let alone leaving and coming home to a sit down dinner for 14. Oh well, it's two nights in this lovely place with my Other Half and hanging out with the grown ups in my family who make me laugh harder than anyone else. So wish me luck and Happy Thanksgiving and Columbus Day!

Winding down the summer

Feeling rather melancholy right now. Came down from the cottage yesterday and while we are going back up on Thursday I still feel like the summer is over and I missed the whole damn thing. I woke up early, before the sun even and came downstairs to make coffee and then crawl back into bed with my Kobo but once I was out of bed I realized how cold it was and I had an overwhelming urge to light a fire. Of course to light a fire I first had to get kindling and then I realized I had to clean out last winter's ashes which were up over the grate. By this time all three boys were up despite the fact that it's still wasn't even 7am. I sent them back upstairs to watch TV in my bed and promised to make muffins if they would just leave me alone for a little longer. I know that in exactly two weeks today they will not be up before seven, I'll be lucky if I can drag them out of bed by eight on the first day of school despite the fact that not one of them, not even the teenager (especially not the teenager) has slept in past 8am all damn summer. I have come to loath all my friends who say things like, "oh my kids sleep until noon" which is almost as bad as hearing, "My kids amuse themselves all day long while I work/read/garden." Who are these so-called kids? And where do I get them?

This summer has been a bit of a let down on most fronts - the business had been slow either due to the economy, the weather or both; Number Two Son had a terrible time at camp and probably won't be going back next year so I am already panicking about what to do with him for the month they are usually all away; despite my encouragement/threats not one of my children has made any attempt at calling a friend to do something on his own. They have hung around waiting for me to organize them. And now we are into the second last week of summer and My Other Half is planning on taking off next week (truth be told, there are no orders to fill so no boats to build) we had hoped to go away with the boys for a holiday but finances aren't conducive to spending money on anything other than groceries (which continue to increase exponentially in both quantity and price) so it will be the cottage and day trips which isn't so bad but not the break we were all hoping for and quite frankly, need. We live in a beautiful part of the world and as long as the weather doesn't turn autumnal overnight we canget out on the water, sailing, waterskiing and swimming. Not so bad after all.

I realize that the purpose of this blog, time and time again when I start out griping and end up thankful is self-directed therapy. Good thing too since it's way too early to pour a drink.

23 Childfree Things to Do

The boys leave for camp on July 2 and are gone for 23 days. This is the first time all three are going for the full month (in camp time) Number Three Son is nervously excited. For the last two years he has enjoyed his 10 days at home as an only child but he also is looking forward to going on a longer canoe trip, having more time on the ropes course and in the archery range that the campers only get when they are there for three and a half weeks.

So here's my To Do List. I hope I can accomplish at least some of it and that the time doesn't just fly and I end up wondering, "what the hell happened to those 23 days?"

1. Have a picnic dinner at the beach
2. Have nothing but cheese and wine for dinner (repeatedly)
3. Go sailing after work
4. Invite friends out for a cocktail cruise
5. Sleep naked
6. Go to boot camp two mornings a week for three weeks
7. Watch at least three movies that are not cartoons or in 3D
8. Touch up all the trim that I started painting two summers ago and is now chipped again
9. Get all the carpets and upholstery cleaned
10. Sort the treasures from the junk in the boys' rooms
11. Ride Jazz at least two times a week
12. Walk River every morning
13. Get the problem with my photos figured out and find out about storing them in (on?) the cloud (whatever that means)
14. Make some delicious dinners that the kids would never eat
15. Eat at at least one of the four newly opened restaurants in town
16. Sunbathe by the pool
17. Make mojitos with the mint that is overtaking the garden
18. Put this wallpaper up in the powder room
19. Take my Other Half riding
20. Put up some new photos in the kitchen
21. Write the boys lots of letters now that the postal strike is finally over
22. Go down to the city for a girls night out
23. Recharge my parenting batteries in preparation for the other 5 weeks of summer

Happy?

I've been reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and it has really got me thinking about being happy. Right now, in the depths of a frigid Canadian winter I'm having a tough time feeling anything but a longing for spring. My boys are all having issues of their own and my Other Half heads off on the boat show circuit soon for three weeks. The petty annoyances of life are all contriving to bog me down. The bickering amongst my boys, the never-ending snow piling up outside the door, never having enough time to do all the things I know I should be doing, let alone the things I want to do. When people make lists of the things that make them happy they are usually the little things much like the list I made when I first started this blog which is still there somewhere down at the bottom of the page on the right. There is nothing wrong in taking pleasure from the little things it's just that right now I need to think about the big picture. Rubin quotes William Butler Yeats who said, "Happiness, is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that, but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing."

This is the problem for me at this point, smack dab in the middle of my life - I am not growing while everyone around me is. My sons are growing literally and will in a very short time all be taller than me but they are also growing in so many other ways. In their maturity and independence and as people. My Other Half and my sister are both growing businesses, shooting for the big leagues, creating what they hope will be their legacy. Friends around me are growing as athletes, pushing themselves physically and some are growing emotionally, leaving a relationship or a career after many years. As for me, I am the ultimate in stasus. I have been in the same relationship for over 25 years, I haven't had a career change since before the boys were born. I haven't trained to run a marathon or even entered the Club Championships. And after starting this blog two and a half years ago I haven't really done much with it. I haven't started writing the great Canadian novel or had anything published in the local paper. So all the little things that do make me happy aren't adding up to much and I am finding myself on autopilot. Telling myself that I am doing the best I can raising my kids and being a supportive wife. I make lists and I have even crossed a few things off them but I think Rubin is right, what I need now is growth because before I know it my children will be grown and S. and I will be empty nesters and I don't want us to wake up one morning and say, "Now what do we do with the rest of our lives?"

Sort of Stuck in a Rut - Part Two

I'm glad I spilled my January blahs all over this blog last week. It helped and I have made some headway, on the list, at least. I got the kids to move the woodpile so we can get at it more easily which means we can make a fire in hopes that we might sit and relax in front of one someday. Of course, I had to bribe them but I wasn't going to make them go back to school after their dentist appointment anyway. And today I cleaned out the dry sink in the kitchen which used to be the arts and craft cupboard but now that the boys aren't really into crafts it holds paper and stuff for school projects. Great timing as Number One Son has a big project due in two days (guess all that time off school for skiing and volleyball finally caught up with him) I also organized the shelves by my desk and it only took two trips to the hardware store. At first I thought I could attach shelves inside the old cabinet but mismeasured, of course and had to take everything back. But while there the second time I found stackable shelves meant for shoes and decided they would work in the cabinet just as well. They only had two and I might need a couple more but assembling them was a heck of a lot easier than trying to drill holes for shelves in a space that's hard to access since it is in a corner behind my desk. It's not perfect but a whole lot better than before and I've got a big basket of electronic odds and sods shoved underneath where no one can see or get at it so I'll probably forget what's there. Sorry, once again I forgot to take before and after photos so you'll have to trust me on all this.

I did go snow shoeing on Saturday and skied albeit, briefly as the temperatures have been sub-Arctic for the past four days. But the temperatures are supposed to be returning to a more normal range for us in the Great White North which means I have no excuse not to get out riding my horse and walking the dog. But this week is a short one as Thursday is my Other Half's birthday and I have booked us off to ski or shoe shoe in the morning and then massages at the Scandinave Spa in the afternoon! My in-laws are coming up to take the whole family out for dinner that night meaning I won't even have to cook and then we are all skiing together on Friday. So, as January comes to a close, things are looking up. But I am going to keep working on the To Do List which, if I post it for all to see, might have a better chance of getting done by spring.

Next up:

1. Replace the desk in the upstairs hall with the bookshelf from Griffen's room. (He doesn't need a desk)
2. Put up the shelves and hang the TV in the basement.
3. Print out pictures and put them in the frames I bought for the basement
4. Put up shelves in Ben's room.
5. Get some regular exercise - snow shoe every weekend, walk River daily, Yoga or Pilates
6. Purge cookbooks and get recipes on computer organized
7. Hang a light over my desk (a cool one like these)
8. Start putting together yearly photo albums and get them printed (this is so easy and cheap now, there's no excuse not to. I've already set aside the best photos from 2010)

Still Stuck in a Rut - Part One

I have no passion, no goal, no bucket list. I react to life, I am not proactive. I organize and schedule and arrange my families lives but I do nothing of my own. My husband followed his passion and we moved here. I work with friends who followed their passions and started a cheese shop but I have done none of this myself. I have a horse but I can't muster the passion to ride him very often because it take times away from my family. I ski but it gets boring very quickly. I don't exercise regularly. I cook but in spurts. We don't entertain. I don't have To Do Lists which I can tackle around the house although there are a million things that I could be doing. I know I feel better when I do try to get something done but I can't kick start myself into doing anything. I went snow shoeing and felt great, once. I don't walk the dog, I don't volunteer. I eat, I watch TV, I barely even read anymore. I haven't been blogging and when I do, truly, no one is reading.

I know its January and this is when I usually feel this way but I don't even suffer from great bouts of depression that might require counselling. I don't have dramatic breakdowns or spectacular meltdowns. I fight with my kids, yell at them and make myself and them promises every day that it won't happen again. And it does, day after day. And they are not bad kids, they are so good. Good at school, good in sports but I can't even be passionate about that, pushing them to do better, being one of those parents who expects their kids to make it to the Olympics.

I love my husband and we do experience passion together every once in a while which I know is normal for two people who have been together for over 25 years, I think we do okay in that department.

I love design, reading about what other people are doing on a shoe string, seeing pictures of what a difference a can of white paint can make. I hate the clutter in my house. I hate the bathrooms. I want room for my books where I can see them. I hate that we started fixing up the basement for the boys and then stopped and I haven't finished because my husband has no time and I can't seem to do it myself.

I need to make a list for each week and do at least one thing on it. So here goes:

1. Clean out the dry sink
2. Organize the shelves by my desk so I can get at them
3. Replace the desk in the upstairs hall with the bookshelf from Griffen's room. (He doesn't need a desk)
4. Put up the shelves and hang the TV in the basement.
5. Print out pictures and put them in the frames I bought for the basement
6. Put up shelves in Ben's room.
7. Move the woodpile (get kids to help)

What a Weekend

It's not often that I get to report on a weekend full of fun with other grown ups but this one was all that and more. I didn't see the boys from Friday morning when they left for school until Sunday at about 11am when we picked them up at my Mum's. In fact I had Thursday off as well when we we headed up to close the cottage for the day.

Yes, that is snow on the ground

Now I know that driving five hours to pull boats out of the water and to bait mouse traps isn't everyone's idea of fun but I didn't have to make lunch or dinner so that counts for something, doesn't it? And no matter what you are doing what a difference having some time off makes in how you deal with your children. And the best part is that now that they are older there is hardly any prep involved in me getting away. Of course leaving my incredible Other Half at the helm helps too. He has never been one of those fathers. You know the ones who babysit their kids, who need detailed instructions on the care and feeding of their own offspring. The man I chose to marry and bear children for (and I take all the credit for my very wise choice) doesn't need to be told or even reminded to pick up his kids at school or make sure they don't eat only Halloween candy for every meal. I didn't make up meals or post instructions on the fridge for anything, not even the phone number of our local pizza place. I just had a shower, straightened my hair, packed my city clothes and walked out the door. I think it's partly because I definitely don't have any control issues and also because my partner is more organized than I will ever be. Here he is, right in the middle of a major expansion of the business, moving the shop to a new location next week, sourcing new suppliers and arranging for the necessary improvements to be made in, what will officially be, a plant not a workshop anymore. All the while keeping up with hockey, volleyball and dry land training schedules, homework and bloody Grade 5 Ancient Civilizations projects. He is Mr. Super Mom.

As for me, I hit the Starbucks drive through by 3pm on Friday afternoon and was on my way to the big city for a girl's dinner with my high school posse. We met downtown at a great Moroccan restaurant and ate and drank, laughed and talked until it was time for them to put the chairs up on the tables. Afterwards Diana and I headed back to her house where her hubby had thoughtfully chilled a bottle of Pino Grigio for us before he went to bed. We talked and laughed some more and I fell into bed feeling reconnected with friends who I don't get to see often enough but when we do get together it is as if no time has passed.

Saturday morning I got up, popped an Advil to ward off the post Pino head ache and hung out with the family for a while catching up on their lives until I headed off to IKEA. Normally the thought of tackling the Swedish super store on a Saturday would be my idea of hell but alone with no particular timetable I wandered, took pictures and got ideas for the "boy cave" we are transforming the basement playroom into. After a successful couple of hours I called my best friend and we met for lunch, gorged myself on Pad Thai and then went off to meet my Other Half to drive out to the suburbs see his parents. My father-in-law had a double bypass and a valve replacement two weeks ago and is now home and doing well. The pig's valve is a source of great amusement to the boys who keep asking whether Grandpa can now oink or if he still eats bacon. But both my in-laws while tired, looked much better than they had in the very tense weeks and days leading up to the surgery. We had dinner and motored back into the city to check in at our hotel. We were going to stay with our friends again but we decided to treat ourselves and not sleep on their basement hide-a-bed. One night on it was enough for my 44 year old back.

Dressed, refreshed and ready to party we hopped in a cab and headed back uptown to the "Twisted Kilt" for my sister's 40th birthday party. Those of you who might have read my previous post will know that my sister is a very special person and as a result the pub was packed with friends and family. We had a great time but unfortunately I left my camera back at the hotel and so there is no photographic evidence of the evening's festivities. But trust me on this, it was a great party. And when we did get back to our room we realized that since it was the night to "fall" back we had gained an extra hour of sleep with no children to spoil the illusion. Perfect timing on my party-planning brother-in-law's part.

Sunday morning was a lazy one until we looked at our watches over our favourite greasy spoon bacon and eggs and realized that even with the extra hour our reprieve was over. We had to haul it to my Mum's to pick up the boys and get Number One Son home for hockey practise while Number Two Son had a month's worth of work to do on his Ancient Civilization project which is due this week. So Cinderella left the ball, kicked off her high-heeled boots, slipped back into her Blundstones and went home to star as the sous chef in a video of Number Two Procrastinator making spicy Mayan hot chocolate.

But after a little break even spilled hot chocolate on a white dress shirt didn't get to me like it would have 48 hours ago. The boys had quality time with their grandmother and I had quality time with friends and my so-close-to-perfect Other Half.

Note to Self - Do it more often and everyone will be happier.

Yes, that's me cutting the cheese

It's amazing how life can get away from from you when you are not paying attention or you try to do something new. I am helping some friends out one day a week in their new shop, The Cheese Gallery. It's a fantastic place where you can buy a hunk of stinky cheese, sip a cup of tea, have your favourite painting framed or even enjoy a glass of wine with some cheese and crackers. In a town of 1400 people sometime you do have to be all things to all people. So on Tuesdays I can be found behind the counter - yes, "cutting the cheese" (sorry, hanging out with boys does tend to rub off on me) It is great fun, I am learning lots about the cheeses from France, England, as well as our many fine Canadian artisan cheese makers. Of course there is lots of joking about the old Monte Python Sketch and thanks to the wonders of YouTube I can share it with you.

But back to the problem of letting things get away from me. The boys seem to be coping with me not picking them up from school and my wonderful Other Half has rose to the occasion making dinner for us but this week I also had to go down to the city for a day and of course picked up a nasty cold bug and spent yesterday in bed watching "Glee" on demand. Today I am feeling a bit better, still have a pounding headache and won't make it over to the school to help with the Terry Fox Run. But I hope to sleep enough to be able to rally tonight as we have tickets for a Fundraiser and I borrowed a dress just for the occasion which is a big deal in my world. So the laundry has piled up, there's no food in the fridge, I'm hoping the boys have kept up with their homework and the poor dog hasn't been walked in days. How silly of me to have thought every once in a while that I would like to have a "sick" day. As my youngest said last night when he came in to say goodnight to me, "but I thought Mummys didn't get sick." They do but it's rarely worth it.

Raw Food Detox Debrief

So I made it through the 7 day detox as prescribed by the Raw Divas. And I have to say I am quite proud of myself. I did not slip up once, although I may have jumped the gun on finishing when I ate dinner out with my Other Half and his mother on Saturday night, I think I was supposed to go through to Sunday morning but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to go to my favourite restaurant in town and sit by the water, enjoy a glass of Prosecco and the delicious food.

But I digress, the week started off with major headaches for the first couple of days, probably due to caffeine with drawl more than anything. I don't drink a lot of coffee, a cup or two in the morning but my head was screaming by the afternoon of the first day then it subsided into a dull roar by Day 2 and by Day 3 I was okay. I have to admit I rather enjoyed the "Green Smoothies" for breakfast and am still making them. I blended kale, bananas, strawberries, mango and blueberries with just a wee bit of OJ and they were great. Filled me up and kept me going until lunch.

Lunch was either a bowl of fruit, the easy way out for me as I cut up fruit and have a bowl in the fridge all the time anyways, mostly watermelon, cantaloupe and mango. Or if I was feeling inspired I made a salad of all the veggies I could fit in a bowl. I did miss having dressing on it and found it a little dry so again I added a bit of OJ or one day I pureed strawberries to drizzle over. Not the same as balsamic vinegar but better than nothing. I love fennel so I ate a lot of that and I bought the premixed salad greens as a base. I didn't try to grow my own sprouts or mung beans (yuck) so I didn't get a lot of protein and you aren't supposed to have any oils at all so no nuts or seeds for the 7 days.

As the week went on I found making meals for the boys easier and the biggest thing I learned was that it is possible to make a meal with out grazing through the process. That is my biggest downfall since I tend to eat an entire meal before we even sit down at the table. And I didn't touch bread for the week either, my other weakness. Had my first slice of whole grain toast this morning and it was okay and I had my smoothie as well.

By Friday my waistbands were looser and while I still felt tired by the end of the day I have to admit I felt lighter and not just weight-wise. My whole body felt better, not so puffy in the morning and although bags under my eyes aren't gone I think they may have lightened up from dark purple to more of a lilac hue.

So what else did I learn that I can incorporate into my daily life since I am definitely not a total raw food convert? Well, I think the thing I can do is save my splurges for when they are worth it like when we go out for dinner. There is no point in pigging out on bread and butter at home or eating the kids leftover tuna casserole just because it's there. And when we do go out I will try to skip on the bread basket and concentrate on the meal. I am drinking more water and I am not sure whether I will ever go back to coffee. I tried some decaf this morning and it just didn't do it for me and it's the morning ritual I enjoy more than anything else.

As for the alcohol or lack there of, Friday night I was craving a cold Corona so badly as I sat watching the kids swim but I stuck to my guns and passed, just added another lime to my water. And even missing out on the champagne at book club was okay since I felt fine the next morning instead of slightly hungover and tired from staying up too late which is really the problem these days. I can't function if I go to bed past 11pm anymore. I am realizing that my eating habits are more situational than anything else. I spend a lot of time in the kitchen and just like I tell my kids to get out so they aren't thinking about food from the minute they get home from school, I need to make the meal, get out and go sit on the porch or weed the garden.

More than anything else I know the thing that I got most out of the experience is that I feel like I did something for myself. I didn't necessarily lose a ton of weight but I didn't cheat once and it is the first time I have ever challenged myself to something like that so it's a big deal. It felt good to be in control. My friend who was my phone buddy (and it's good to have someone to call because the Divas emails are pretty generic and not terribly inspiring) when I felt my willpower caving has suggested that it might be something we could do every 6 months or so. Don't know if I 'm that keen but talk to me in January after the Christmas eat-a-thon when my ski pants are digging into my waist and I just might be ready to jump back on the raw food wagon.

Raw Day Five

Can't say I'm feeling better, not hungry just bored and my jaw aches from crunching through all those veggies. No worries that I am turning into become a raw foodie convert, Sunday can't come soon enough. I'll be hitting the Father's Day buffet with a vengence. But on the other hand it has made me more mindful of what I eat and I have created some truly beautiful salads which I hope to continue to do once I am back on the cooking bandwagon. Off to make my green breakfast smoothie. Who knew kale and bananas were such a delicious combo, maybe I should suggest it to Ben & Jerry.

My Fruit Bowl Overfloweth

Okay, first off a disclaminer. I am not a dieter. I have never counted calories or eaten cabbage or grapefruit for days on end. I love food and cooking but lately I have been feeling like I had to do something to shake things up. I have been feeling awful - no energy, bloated, clothes too tight. I read about the Raw Divas on somewhere and thought, "Hmmm, maybe this is something I can do." I went to the website and signed up for the 7 Day Detox before I really had a chance to talk myself out of it. Then I did what any normal woman would do - I told my best friend she was doing it with me.

So right after I signed on I started getting emails from Tera, not terribly frightening ones but with enough raw food fevour to make me think, "What have I gotten myself into?" But of course the whole idea wasn't just to lose weight or eat nothing but sprouts for a week, it was to challenge myself, to step outside my comfort zone to use a tired phrase.

The detox started with 5 days of prep, just stuff to read and think about, then they dropped the bomb. The first day was a 24 hour fast. Yup, nothing but water for 24 hours. Now for a mother of three not eating for 24 hours is my idea of hell. I still had to prepare all the meals for my family and then watch them eat it. And explain why I was doing it to my boys who use "fat" as the worst insult they can think of. I don't know why but that in itself is a whole other post. So I thought about starting on Monday instead of Sunday since we were at the cottage and that meant the usual huge breakfast of bacon, eggs and sticky buns from our favourite bakery. But I decided that there would never be a perfect time to start, so I just did it. Had a wonderful meal Saturday night and then avoided the kitchen Sunday morning as the bacon was frying. I told my Other Half what I was doing as we got into bed Saturday night but of course he didn't get it and had forgotten by the morning when he called me for breakfast.

The day wasn't so bad, I kept busy cleaning out closets and I did make the boys lunch without too much pain. But then the headaches kicked in. Don't know if it was the lack of caffeine or food but they lasted all day and made me very grouchy. On the plus side I wasn't thinking about my stomach because my head was hurting so much.

So yesterday was day one of raw food eating. I went shopping and bought a full grocery cart of fruits and veggies. Spent nearly as much as I usually do on a regular shop and boy are my crispers jammed and my fruit bowl overflowing. I had a smoothie made of local (yeah!) strawberries, mango and frozen wild blueberries. Then cut up fruit for lunch while watching the two older boys in their regional track and field meet. Luckily for me this year they decided to forego the usual BBQ with hotdogs and chips, instead encouraging the young athletes to pack healthy lunches. About time I say.

I felt pretty good all day, no more headache and by four o'clock when my energy level is usually at its lowest I was fine. For dinner I made pork tenderloin with carrots, cukes and sugar snap peas for the boys dinner and I sat down to an awesome salad. I can't believe I didn't take a picture of it but it had almost everything I had jammed in the crisper and the fruit bowl including mixed greens, cilantro, fennel, oranges, blueberries, pear and a sprinkling of sunflower seeds which I now realize aren't on the detox list. It was gorgeous.

I had a good sleep and woke up this morning somewhat saddened by the fact that my hubby remembered not to make me coffee but I did make one of the Raw Divas' Green Smoothies with kale as a base then blueberries, strawberries, mango and banana and although it started a little brown once I added the blueberries it looked much more appetizing. For lunch I'll try a lettuce wrap.

So, so far so good. I do feel better and they say the dark circles under my eyes will start to disappear. If they do then I'm sold. I don't think I will be a convert to the raw food lifestyle, I love bread, cheese and a good steak too much but it has re-energized my salad making and eating. Plus, as a reward at the end of the week my friend and I are treating ourselves to a dinner at one of Toronto's raw food restaurants. I'll keep you posted on how it all pans out (no pan intended or was used in the writing of this raw food post)

The 12 Childless Days of Summer and Beyond

I know I made a huge deal last summer about all the things I was going to do while the boys were away at camp but I learned my lesson, sort of. The weather didn't cooperate so there wasn't much sipping drinks on the patio (too rainy), I never finished touching up all the nicks and dents in the trim (too lazy) and my Other Half and I didn't sleep naked (too cold) but this year ... this year it will be different.

First off they finish school on June 29th and go to camp on June 30th! Couldn't have planned it better if I tried. I know it will be a crazy whirlwind getting them packed (remember The List?) and ready to go but as soon as they step on the barge My Other Half and I are going on a road trip! We're heading down east to deliver two boats, one to Nova Scotia and the other to Newfoundland which is the only province I have never been to. Very excited, it will be a two day drive to North Sydney, N.S. then a six hour ferry ride to Port au Basques and then on to Cornerbrook. I can't wait, I love road trips. Already planning my playlists and downloading podcasts. I might even sign up for Sirius Satellite again, if only to see if Martha Stewart's crazy daughter Alexis still has her show, Whatever. Just checked, she does and she has a blog. We listened to the show a couple of years ago while driving home from Florida, it is raunchy and quite funny, not at all what Martha would call "a good thing."

But back to the 12 Childless Days of Summer and Beyond. I am going to make a list of what I want to do, as well as a few things I need to do and hope that the weather cooperates and My Other Half is ready, willing and able. (And I will also encourage the boys make their wish lists like Sarah at Clover Lane did and I will try to accommodate any requests as long as they don't involve public pools or water parks)

So here goes.

My Top Ten List of Things I Want to Do This Summer

1. Ride my horse more than once a week which will get him in shape so I don't have to worry that he is going to keel over on me after we gallop.
2. Try to make a slipcover for the chair in my bedroom which because of old age and a puppy looks awful but it is my pile chair and when I do eventually put everything away that I pile on it I would like it to look nice.
3. Finish touching up the trim or rather start over again since all the touch ups I did last summer have been scraped off. What I did get done looked so nice for a while.
4. Rearrange the furniture in the basement once we get the hand-me-down sectional sofa from a friend's mother. I want it to be less of a playroom since the boys don't really play as much any more. There will still be some toys left but I want the TV set up so they can sit and watch or play games without trashing the whole room. The old IKEA pullout couch has more than served it's purpose and has to go.
5. Update my blog header as soon as I figure out how to do a collage on my MacBook, I had it down pat with Picasa but now I am using Adobe Elements so if anyone out there knows how to do it, let me know.

But wait a minute.

This list is way more need than want so screw it. I am going to concentrate on the wants rather than the multitude of needs.

1. Go for a paddle down the river we live on but never take advantage of.
2. Get out on the sailboat we inherited and go for sunset cocktail cruises with friends.
3. Get out and play soccer which we signed up for but haven't been able to do since the kids' activities take priority.
4. Take My Other Half for a horseback ride so he can see how special the gift he gave me truly is.
5. Do something with some girlfriends - go to the spa, go for a bike ride and then the spa, go to the new winery nearby after the bike ride and the spa.
6. Throw a couple of dinner parties with an eclectic group of people. Eat outside with lots of candles, wine and good food.
7. Go to the beach for picnics, the beach which we live near but hardly ever go to.
8. Help my Other Half to breathe deeply, sleep well and enjoy this wonderful life he works so hard to give us.
9. Try the Raw Divas Seven Day Detox just to see if it makes me feel any better and to give myself a challenge. After that ... give myself another challenge.

And finally Number 10. Enjoy my time while the boys are at camp and enjoy my time with the boys for the rest of the summer.

My Name is Cid and I'm an Addict

I know I never should have tried it the first time. My sister warned me that once I started I wouldn't be able to stop. I'd forget about all my other responsibilities - the kids, my job, the house and only be able to think about the next time I would do it. I would put off everything else, plan my days around it and she was right.

My name is Cid and I am a hair straightening addict. I never knew how easy it could be to make my curly hair smooth and sleek and worthy of compliments everywhere I go. I bought a straightening iron years ago at the drugstore and used it every once in a while if we were going out but if there was a party or something special I would pay someone at a salon to blow dry my mane straight. Sometimes it would work depending on the humidity and the upper body strength of the stylist but now, now I get super straight hair every time and I figure cost per use is down to pennies since I bought it a month ago. I even straightened it while we were in Florida and it didn't go frizzy even with all the humidity.

The problem is I can't stop. I know it isn't good for my hair to subject it to such intense heat every time I wash it. And although I have never washed my hair every day, I am still ironing the s**t out of it at least once a week. It is amazing, people who have known me for years comment on it. And strangely enough it has been about three months since I had my highlights done and even my roots don't seem as bad when it is straight. So the big question is whether it's worth the time and the potential damage to my hair? I know I'll take a break once the summer is here and we head to the cottage and I'm in and out of the lake all day long. I like the curls when I just leave it to dry naturally and don't try to brush it out.

Now I know those of you with naturally straight hair will say, "Oh, what I would do for your curls." But you don't really mean it. Look at any magazine and count the number of celebs with curly hair. I just got my university alumnae magazine and everyone of the women pictured has pin straight hair. It's like the 60's when women really did put their heads down on an ironing board to flatten their locks. The only time curls were really in was the dreaded 80's when it was all about big hair and I have a grad photo to prove it.

So here goes

Au naturel

And after 25 minutes of the only kind of ironing you'll ever catch me doing

(gotta say, I love the Phonebooth feature on my Mac)

So, I know I may be opening myself up to much deserved criticism regarding my narcissism and obsession with my hair, but I need the clear, unbiased opinions of people I never have and in all probability never will meet. Please keep you responses directed at the hair style and not the art in the background or the size of the bags under my eyes.

DIY Let Down

These wild weather swings are getting to me, as is my house. I want to get out of it and into the garden but there was snow coming down yesterday and the temperatures are too unpredictable so I can't risk planting anything yet. We have talked about renovating but we really can't do anything until we see how this year goes for the business. I know I shouldn't be but I am so jealous of our neighbours who have completely overhauled their house, painting all the trim and wall, ours is looking so chipped and dirty. They have done their bathrooms with clean white tile and classic fixtures. The husband is a real handy man and has done everything himself from tiling the showers to refinishing the floors but he has the time since he's not working right now which is part of the reason they are fixing it up. They have to sell and so every dollar they spend they figure they will get back when the house goes for over asking. Me? I just want a new tub I can lie down in and have both my boobs and knees covered in water. But money, while coming in fairly regularly for us, is going out for other things like new soccer cleats and bikes and birthday parties. Necessities in some family member's books but as a result there isn't much left to spend on renovations. Not the end of the world, I know but I hate our bathrooms.

I really, really hate them. They have circa 1985 beige fixtures and although we have replaced two toilets when they both gave up and completely stopped flushing the remaining two aren't long for this world. The one in the boys' bathroom has a wobbly seat and clogs regularly, as you can imagine with three boys, and the one in the basement runs constantly if you forget to jiggle the handle. The sinks are that kind of material that collects every stray hair and is a magnet for toothpaste, even when you rinse there is still crap glued on. The faucets are old and no amount of scrubbing with a toothbrush will get rid of the guck in the crevices and for some reason the inside of the plastic handles have turned black. Don't even want to consider what might be the cause of that. I have used gallons of Drano to try and unclog the drains and finally took the whole plug mechanism out of one. The bowels of which was one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen. My boys have beautiful hair but I didn't need to see quite so much of it covered in slime and coming out of the drain hole.

So today while my Other Half is away I thought I would take the bull by the horns and tackle replacing one of the faucets. We have had two replacements sitting in a closet since we moved in. I am smart, I am capable, I can google "How to change a faucet" and I did. I then went upstairs to follow the step-by-step instructions. Armed with a couple of wrenches, my trusty new MacBook with the page opened to eHow and even my camera to record the process like all those DIYer bloggers do. I wanted the "Before and After" shots to post with pride.

Now the list of "Things You'll Need" included something called a "basin wrench." Googled that and found out it was a wrench used just for such small spaces as underneath a bathroom vanity. Oh, I don't need one of those, I thought, there's plenty of room. And there was until I hit something with the end of the regular wrench and knocked it off. Strike One. No water came gushing out so it couldn't have been that important. But then try as I might I couldn't budge the bolt on the water hose connection to the faucet. Strike Two. I finally gave up and climbed back out from under. Looked at the corner of the sink and saw a big chunk of the porcelain (or whatever it's made of) was chipped off. What ever I hit must have buckled the material and now there is a big chunk missing. Strike Three. I gave up. Put the shiny new faucet back in its box and back into the closet and put all the bath toys back under the sink. Threw out a few old bottles of baby shampoo and some expired sunscreen to make it seem like I had done something and hung up the wrenches in the garage. So much for "I am Woman, see me Do It Myself"

If the weather would just warm up I could get out and do some planting in the garden but there is a frost warning for tonight. Guess I'll just go back to helping iPhoto identify more faces in my 15,000 pictures.