Not So Wordless Wednesday

How can you promise something you can't promise?

During the last week of the summer we stayed up at the cottage and experienced for the first time in my 45 years of cottaging the most terrifying thing - a cottage down the lake caught fire. Friends of ours who had just left our place to go home called to say there was a fire at the cabin across from theirs. We all jumped in the boat after calling the Park rangers (calling 911 is useless as there are no municipal emergency numbers for water access cottages on our lake and which are under provincial jurisdiction)

As soon as we were out of our little bay we could see the black smoke billowing around the point.

And then we saw the actual fire. In 15 minutes it had gone from the size of a campfire to this.

Boats from all over the lake were gathering in front of the site and within a half an hour the first plane arrived which was able to fill its pontoons with water and drop it on the fire.

We all had to admit it was pretty cool to watch the precision with which the pilots dumped the water on what was a very small area.

Fifteen or so minutes after the first plane arrived the second one flew in and it was a real water bomber that can fill its belly with thousands of gallons of water.

It scooped up belly after belly full of water and made at least 20 passes over the fire.

It looked huge to us sitting on the lake in our little boats. Fortunately the wind was off shore so the fire did not spread to the woods. If it had been blowing back into the trees it could have spread rapidly as the summer had been so dry. Our cottage is on the same side of the lake so conceivably it could have been in danger if it had turned into a real forest fire.

Although we stayed and watched the planes until the fire was completely out and we went back the next morning to see the damage - one cabin was completely destroyed but luckily the main one was untouched - our youngest was very shaken by the whole incident.

Over a month later he still asks me every night before bed, "Is everything is going to be okay?"

Then, after I reassure him everything is going to be fine he asks, "No fires, right Mum?"

And I respond, "No fires," but he then says, "You promise?"

I am not sure what to say to that one. I promise that we have smoke detectors (with working batteries) on each floor and they are hooked up to the alarm company and if they go off the fire department responds immediately (I know this because they did when cookies were burned) and we check to see that the oven and coffee maker are off before we go to bed every night but I can't promise him that there will never be a fire either at home or at the cottage and I hate that I can't promise him that. I can't imagine what it is like for a family who has lived through a house fire. How do they ever sleep again? How do they reassure their children that they are safe when they weren't? I guess it's something you can't think about too much like so many of the other dangers that surround us everyday. In the meantime we will continue to go through our bedtime ritual together as long as he needs to.

Betwixt and Between

That's where I am these days. I have three increasingly independent boys who come and go from my house but it seems that at least half of the time they still desperately need me. The first week back to school my Other Half was away and I worked until 6 o'clock two days so the boys were on their own after school and they did just fine. I asked Number One to make sure that Number Three either came home or checked in with him if he was going to a friend's house. It's hard for the youngest, most of his friends are the eldest and so their parents still pick them up at school and aren't comfortable with a nine year old making his own plans. I have no problem with him checking in with his older brother before he goes off to play and they all seem to be able to make it home before I do. Luckily we don't have any evening sports at the moment to rush through dinner to get to so if I get home at six I can still make dinner (but I do have to get better at planning meals ahead) and it is almost civilized eating at around seven. In fact, this routine seems to be working. Okay, it worked one week and this week we will try it again as the builder is off flogging boats in Northern Michigan.

It's trying to find a balance between being there for them and not being there too much. I know they fight more when I am around, vying for attention - good or bad. It is hard especially with the youngest because I feel like I am pushing him too early. The others certainly weren't making their lunches in grade 4 but then he also gets the perks of doing other things way before his brothers ever did. Number One will be travelling with his ski team in November to Colorado and after the fiasco that was the trip to the Provincials last March with tearful phone calls every night I will not be getting him a North American cell plan while he is gone. He will have to manage sharing a room with others, eat whatever is put in front of him and get over the fear that every other guy on the team is shaving while he still searches in vain for any sign of peach fuzz.

Number Two has gotten off to a better start this year, he likes his teacher and came home yesterday very happy that he had finished a math test second to the smartest kid in the class and thought he had done well on it. It was so nice to see him being positive about school after last year and although he doesn't have very many of his close friends in his class he seems to be okay with that. He knows he has to have a good report card at Christmas if he is going to be allowed to miss school for skiing and that coupled with a wish for a phone I think we have a great incentive plan in place.

Balance - parenting, work, socializing, health. We all want to do it all and we want to do it well. I am never going to be a Type A person despite the fact that I am the eldest in my family and an Aries to boot. I don't want to run a marathon or bike 100 miles. I am never going to start my own business and I probably won't ever write a novel (a memoir perhaps). I want to raise my boys to be young men who value school as much as sports and who appreciate one other. I want to be healthy and live long enough to know my grandchildren and be the mother-in-law I constantly make notes to myself about. I want to be able to spend time with my Other Half and see him achieve a balance in life and success in business. I want to be able to enjoy this beautiful place we live in and to travel again to the places I didn't get to BC (Before Children) I want to ski in New Zealand and sail in the South Pacific. All these things seem so unattainable right now but if the speed at which the last ten years flew by is any indication I know that the boys will be off living their own lives in the blink of an eye and my Other Half and I will have time for ourselves again. I often say that I couldn't have had children in my twenties like so many people did, I had too many things to do and and I wasn't ready for that resposibility. My thirties were hard with four pregnancies and three young children. My Other Half was seldom home and I ate, slept and breathed children.

Now I feel ready to begin to branch out again, test myself beyond familial waters, set some goals and dream a little of life BC (Beyond Children - I know there's no AC since they will always be my boys). And I know we have a ways to go, Number Three won't be launched for another nine years and we have the dreaded Teenage Years to survive first but in nine years I will be 54 and that doesn't seem nearly as old as it did even just a few years ago and from the looks and lives of the women I know who are in already their fifties - I can't wait.

iPhone Friday on Tuesday

My Other Half and I are heading out to a marine dealers meeting for the next few days so I though I would post a few of my most recent favourite iPhone photos. If you're a picture-taking nut like me it's so worth getting one just to be able to take such fun photos. They were all taken with the Hipstamatic App.

PJ at the net

Full Moon at Sunset over the Bay

On a Horse with a View

My New Mantra

"Breathe deeply and love fiercely."

I read this in a comment at Flux Capacitor's most recent post. And it is my new parenting and, maybe even, life mantra.  


Breathe deeply - that's what I need to remind myself to do everyday. Along with this being the first week back to school (so far so good - touch wood) my Other Half left early Wednesday morning and I worked til 6pm Wednesday and Thursday. The boys did just fine, thank you. In fact, they did much better without us around to nag about snacks and homework. But the bickering continues, morning, noon and night. I have to remove myself from the room when they really get going. They can fight over anything whether it's relevant or not, whether they know anything about the subject or not. If one brother says the sky is blue, the other says it's turquoise and the third says it's cloudy.

Love fiercely - this one is even more important. No matter how hard it is and I know what we are dealing with now is nothing compared to what might be coming down the pipe as we enter the unchartered territory of adolescence. One of the first things I remember hearing from a parenting expert was about always giving "unconditional love" but sometimes that's hard to do when all you really want to say is, "I love you, except when you drive me completely and utterly around the bend." But I like "love fiercely" because it sums up how I feel when they are pushing me to the limit and still I know I have to love them. No matter what.

So, breathe deeply.
And love fiercely

It applies to so many parts of out lives. Doesn't it?

A Truly Horrible One

If you are lucky enough to have a cottage or country place you most likely have had one of these and like most truly horrible things they usually stick out more in your mind than the wonderfully good ones. I am talking about the dreaded horrible house guest. Now over the past ten years I have been spending most of the summer at our cottage as the de facto matriarch and I have hosted many, many guests. In the beginning the guests were made up of couples who came for fun, boozy weekends when we would eat, drink, swim, sail, fish, eat and drink some more. Everyone chipped in for beer and something to barbecue and we would all help cook and clean up. Later came the weekends of babies. My Other Half and I have a great group of old friends (see above boozey weekends) and we were lucky enough to all have children around the same time. Everyone would arrive with porta-cribs, exer-saucers, booster seats and baby swings. Again we would eat, drink, swim, sail and fish with interludes of nursing, diaper changes and soothing of various assorted colicky babies. Everyone pitched in and about the only thing we didn't share was breast milk.

Still later I would move up north for the entire summer with the boys and my Other Half would come up on Fridays and go back to the city early Monday morning. I would fill the weekdays with girlfriends and their kids. We'd sit on the dock watching toddlers pushing around toy boats in the water, preschoolers bravely jumping off the dock in their "lifeys" and we'd attach duelling jolly jumpers to door frames so the kids could jump while we cooked dinner, enjoyed a glass or bottle of wine. Again, everyone pitched in making chicken fingers, macaroni and s'mores by the campfire. Laundry was shared, counters were wiped and, as only with mothers, no one ever had to be asked to help, except the kids of course.

Now things are even easier. The first thing my friends ask when we plan a weekend is, "What can we bring? Other than wine, of course." They come bearing gifts of stinky cheese, a new recipe for pulled pork or all the fixings for make-your-own-pizzas. We cook, swim, eat, watch the kids learn to windsurf or dumping the sailboat in the middle of the lake. We have fabulous hors d'oeuvres on the dock and the occasional blender drink is whipped up. Even clean up is fun (for the adults) with the kids divided into teams for clearing the table and making sure all the boats are put away at the end of day. But every once in a while to my great, and perhaps naive surprise, a guest comes along who forgets that I don't run a full service hotel.

But this week one did. An old friend of the family's invited herself along with her hubby and two kids to the cottage presuming that we would put them up for the night before they dropped their daughter off at camp. And she went on to assume that they could stay with us for the three days while the daughter was away so they wouldn't have to drive back down to the city. I told her that this week was our only family time together before school starts next week so, while they were welcome to stay for one night, it wouldn't work out the other two. This, she said, was a problem since she really didn't want to have to drive two hours back to her sister's house. But for once I stood firm and repeated that we would be happy to see them for one night. How I regret those words now.

We had already made arrangements to go and visit friends on the day our guests were to arrive so I told them to make themselves at home until we got back. This might seem a bit inhospitable but remember, I didn't ask them to come and she had spent lots of time at our cottage growing up. I said we'd be back after 4pm as we had to stop for groceries on the way. (Hint, hint) We had already communicated extensively by email about the visit and she had yet to ask the first question every house guest should pose to their host which is, "What can we bring?" Even after the hint about groceries she still didn't bite so I bought more milk, dinner for nine people and three kinds of ice cream for dessert. We arrived back at the cottage to find the family making themselves right at home. They were all on the dock watching the seven year old boy paddle a kayak for the first time. They said hello and then asked if someone would take them on a boat tour of the lake. I offered my Other Half's services while I began making dinner. The son asked what we were having and when I told him chicken fajitas he looked confused.

I said, "You know, wraps with chicken, cheese, salsa and some veggies."

He replied, "Do you have any hamburger meat?"

I said, "Yes, I think I have some in the freezer. Would you like that in a wrap?"

"No," he replied. "I'd like hamburger and chips and cheese."

Okay, I thought, this is not a restaurant but it's only one meal. I can do hamburger.

Meanwhile the family was getting ready to go on their boat tour. Oh, did I mention they had no lifejackets for the kids? Now after spending all my life on one body of water or another the first (and only consistent) rule at the cottage is kids wear a life jacket in the boat and on the dock at all times. No exceptions. You never know how well other people's kids swim despite what the parents may say and it's never worth risking a child falling in when someone isn't looking. So we found a couple of lifejackets and off they went. My boys were being pretty good about these "random kids you invited, Mum" as Number Three Son delicately put it. And when they returned they even offered to play with them while I set the table. What were the parents doing while their children were entertained and their dinner was prepared you might ask? Well, they weren't offering to help on either front, instead they were both sitting on the couch punching away on their iPhones, occasionally looking up as I passed by with the plates or condiments. Then she got out her computer just as I called the kids in to eat and asked where she could plug it in to charge. This may be one of the few time I have wished we were further down the lake with no power.

We sat down to the meal and everyone seemed happy, the son with his hamburger meat and chips which, of course, now all the kids wanted. I poured myself another glass of wine and looked over at my Other Half who rolled his eyes discreetly. When the meal was over my kids cleared the table and I began loading the dishwasher as once again our guests sat down to what must have been terribly important business on their phones. Are they NATO ambassadors negotiating the truce in Libya? No, she's a sales rep and he runs some sort of automotive shop but I'm sure the emails they had to attend to were just as important as peace in the Middle East. We dished out ice cream to everyone and then I suggested the kids go and make a campfire for roasting marshmellows. I finished the dishes just as my guests finished playing, I mean, working on their phones and they all went outside to the firepit. I went to set up the kids beds and turn on the lights in the bedroom while thinking to myself, they can't possibly be this clueless. Have they never stayed at someone's house before? Do they show up for dinner parties without a bottle of wine or some sort of hostess gift? Should I slip an itemized bill under the door before they wake up in the morning?

I didn't, but I wish I had had the guts to. It would have read something like this

--------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you for staying at Hotel Le Cottage.

Please be advised the following items will be charged

to your credit card at market price:

Room Rate - Two adults, Queen Bed

Two children, Twin beds

Turndown and Maid Service

Dinner for Four in our Dining room

Boat Tour of the lake (a fuel tax surcharge will be added)

Childcare and lifeguarding (extra fee for lifejackets)

Outdoor Activities - campfire, star gazing and sing along

Breakfast and childcare before 8am

Boat taxi to and from landing with porter to carry luggage

Early check in and late checkout

A gratuity of 15% will be added to the final amount.

We hoped you enjoyed your stay at Hotel Le Cottage on the Shores of Smoke Lake. We request that all future reservations be made 6 months in advance so that we will have time to come up with a reasonable excuse to say no.

(Disclaimer- If you are easily offended or especially sensitive to posts such as the above just remember - a good bottle of wine goes a long way)

Winding down the summer

Feeling rather melancholy right now. Came down from the cottage yesterday and while we are going back up on Thursday I still feel like the summer is over and I missed the whole damn thing. I woke up early, before the sun even and came downstairs to make coffee and then crawl back into bed with my Kobo but once I was out of bed I realized how cold it was and I had an overwhelming urge to light a fire. Of course to light a fire I first had to get kindling and then I realized I had to clean out last winter's ashes which were up over the grate. By this time all three boys were up despite the fact that it's still wasn't even 7am. I sent them back upstairs to watch TV in my bed and promised to make muffins if they would just leave me alone for a little longer. I know that in exactly two weeks today they will not be up before seven, I'll be lucky if I can drag them out of bed by eight on the first day of school despite the fact that not one of them, not even the teenager (especially not the teenager) has slept in past 8am all damn summer. I have come to loath all my friends who say things like, "oh my kids sleep until noon" which is almost as bad as hearing, "My kids amuse themselves all day long while I work/read/garden." Who are these so-called kids? And where do I get them?

This summer has been a bit of a let down on most fronts - the business had been slow either due to the economy, the weather or both; Number Two Son had a terrible time at camp and probably won't be going back next year so I am already panicking about what to do with him for the month they are usually all away; despite my encouragement/threats not one of my children has made any attempt at calling a friend to do something on his own. They have hung around waiting for me to organize them. And now we are into the second last week of summer and My Other Half is planning on taking off next week (truth be told, there are no orders to fill so no boats to build) we had hoped to go away with the boys for a holiday but finances aren't conducive to spending money on anything other than groceries (which continue to increase exponentially in both quantity and price) so it will be the cottage and day trips which isn't so bad but not the break we were all hoping for and quite frankly, need. We live in a beautiful part of the world and as long as the weather doesn't turn autumnal overnight we canget out on the water, sailing, waterskiing and swimming. Not so bad after all.

I realize that the purpose of this blog, time and time again when I start out griping and end up thankful is self-directed therapy. Good thing too since it's way too early to pour a drink.