Maybe I just need to shake things up a bit

In between loads of laundry and emptying barf buckets for Numbers Two and Three Sons I took a moment to wander over to Lulu's blog which I have only recently discovered. It is so pretty and stylish but what I like most about it is the way she writes. Literally. She writes sort of in a stream of consciousness that runs down the page like a waterfall. The way it looks make you take notice and the words she uses to describe her addiction to paint or the January blahs is wonderful.

So maybe I need to shake things up over here. I have mostly been posting photos and haven't sat down to write anything lately. Well, to be honest, I haven't written much since last summer. I was beginning to fear the blogging muse had left the building permanently but maybe it just checked out for a while to give me time to think about what I want to do with this space. I have been reading more design blogs lately and still visit my old favourites - Harried Mom, Kyran at her new spot, Planting Dandelions, as well as Nesting Place and Hooked on Houses, to name just a few.

But maybe the way to go is the stream of consciousness method, sort of like Random Tuesday every day. Most of the creative writing books and classes I have read and taken advise you to sit down and just write. Every day. Whatever pops into your head. I have a lot less time these days. Hockey, volleyball, ski and boat show seasons are in full swing which means I'm on my own running from school to rink to hill at least four days a week. And I am working two days a week from 10am to 6pm. My Other Half is away and while my Dad is a Super Hero when it comes to looking after his grandsons my biggest fear is that one of them will be left somewhere, waiting to be picked up and I will have forgotten to put him on the schedule. I now have four different calendars going. One on the fridge, one at my desk, one on my phone and another on my computer. Overkill? Perhaps, but it is the only way to keep all the balls in the air.

So rather than trying to sit down and plan out a post and then abandon it halfway through because it's not going the way I think it should, I will just write. And I'll still post pictures and hockey game scores and ski race results, in case anyone is interested.

From the sublime to ridiculous in under three hours

Summer is over and I just haven't had the blogging muse strike me in a very long time. But this morning I am sitting drinking my second cup of uninterrupted coffee because it's just me and the dog at home. Yes, no boys (they slept over at my Dad's) and my Other Half is off at a much deserved golf weekend with the boys. Did I mention that I had the house to myself last night? I don't think in the three years we have lived here I have been alone in it for more than a few hours. I love being alone. I watched Date Night last week and I loved the scene where Tina Fey's character describes her fantasy of being alone in a quiet hotel room with nobody touching her and drinking a Diet Sprite. I got my fantasy last night.

Alone, lit a fire and opened a bottle of wine, fired up the Kindle and read some of Quinn Cummings essays from Notes from the Underwire. It was perfect. And this morning as I await the return of the mob I have had time to make myself a pot of steel cut oatmeal which takes at least a half an hour and I try to make but never have time to eat, catch up on my favourite blogs and start planning for the arrival of four more children, two mothers and two extra dogs for the night. From the sublime to ridiculous in under three hours.

So back to the reason for my absence from the blogosphere this summer, I think I might have to take a look at what I am doing in this blog, a few others I read have either disappeared or have been reinvented, not sure if I need to do anything as drastic as that but I think something needs to change.

An Interview with WackyMummy

A while back on one of my many, "I'll just click on another blog that so and so reads and see where it takes me" episodes I found myself on Citizen of the Month. It is a very clever blog by Neil Kramer and he started The Great Interview Experiment two years ago. I won't say too much about it as you should go check them out for yourself but I ended up meeting two very interesting bloggers - WackyMummy whom I interviewed and the Wench who interviewed me. Of course I haven't finished answering all of the Wench's though-provoking questions just yet so you will have to stay tuned to find out why I call myself Sybil and what one word describes each member of my family (I promise they won't all be four letter)

But on to Wacky Mummy and her witty answers to my Diane Sawyer-esque questions.

I started with any easy one - What is the difference between a Mummy and a Mommy?

A "u" instead of an "o" (Duh)

Next, a more personal question - When did you get your first camera and what did you take pictures of with it?

Answer? I don't actually remember, but the first one I remember was one that took 110 film. I got my first 35mm when I was 16. I have yet to get a "real camera", one that isn't "point and shoot". Yes, I'm a complete poser. (You'll find this hard to believe when you check out her photos)

Now for the question we all ask ourselves. When and why did you start blogging?

I started blogging about a year and half ago, trying to find a grasp on my life. I was going through a rough patch with feeling so isolates (living in the country, not having nearby friends, not being near anyone I know and loved) and not having a clue with how to be a mom ... I thought it was a shot in the dark to reach out and, through the medium of the internet and bitching about my life, I could connect with others and feel a real sense of kinship and community. And guess what? It worked! I don't subscribe only to so-called "Mommy blogs", but anything that includes humor/sarcasm/irony/photography/kids. I'm very eclectic. I'll ready anything that gets my attention. My favourite things to read right now, other than cereal boxes, are dinosaur encyclopedias (to my son).

And now we get even more personal - Who was your first blog crush?

You'll have to track me down sometime in the future and ask me again. I have yet to have it. I will say that my most memorable crush was David Hasselhoff back when Knight Rider was fresh and new (yes, I am that old ... and that weird), and my most recent (and current) crush is Enrique Iglesias. You can stop puking anytime now.

No puking here, historical crushes are far more interesting. I'll admit to a fascination with the brothers Cassidy. But on to the next question - When your son grows up you want him to be ...?

A major league baseball player.

Why?

Because of all the sports franchises they make the most money and have the least chance of dying from impact wounds. What will he actually be? Probably a paleontologist. That's a word he knows.

How would most of your friends describe you?

Friends? I have friends? Where are they? They would call me funny. And high-strung but easy-going. And easy to talk to. And quite neurotic.

How would someone who just met you describe you?

Weird. But easy to talk to. And sweet.

Are you a Maritimer (meaning from or living in the Martime provinces on Canada's east coast) by birth or by choice?

Neither. Is that an answer? Actually technically it's by choice, but in my defense I didn't know what I was getting into, and if I had known today I wouldn't have moved here. I would have stayed in sunny Southern California. But then I wouldn't have had by beautiful soon-to-be paleontologist or attempted blogging. And I've learned so much over the past almost-five years that I should probably be appreciative of that. But I'm not some days. Acceptance is a work in progress.

Thanks to WackyMummy for particpating in the Great Interview Experiment. It was fun meeting and getting to know another blogger working on acceptance and confessing to being neurotic. So go check out Citizen of the Month and read some more of the interviews. It makes the blogosphere a little bit smaller and a whole lot friendlier.

Is a Blogger's Glass Half Full or Half Empty?

I might be making a huge generalization but in my almost year long blogging experience I have noticed that bloggers for the most part are a very positive bunch. Now I know that there are some who leave nasty anonymous comments and there has been some back-stabbing and name-calling (that just adds to the excitement for the rest of us) but all in all we seems to be a pretty optimistic lot even in the face of tough times. Maybe it is because we have our blogs from which to vent our frustrations regarding children, bosses, spouses, politicians and the crazy world in general and everyone knows that the old 60's scream therapy had some merit.

Of course, the question could be asked, "If a blogger screams on line, does anybody hear her?" Maybe not our families but definitely our blogging friends who are some of the most supportive people I have ever had the good fortune to met and someday perhaps I will get to face to face. Despite cross border and cultural differences we all face the same day-to-day dramas as well as some that are much bigger and scarier. When I sit down at my computer to read the latest posts I am struck by the common theme of making the best of the gifts you have in tough economic times , coping with a special needs child, moving across the ocean with three young children , sharing difficult stories that we all should hear , dealing with a sick child , writing some page-scrolling fiction, helping others or coping with the aftermath of a horrific accident.

Every post, however mundane sends a message to someone out there that we are all in this together - trying to raise our children to be happy and well-adjusted, keeping the magic in our marriages, dealing gracefully with a messy divorce or an aging parent. I can't think of any situation that I have found myself in lately that I haven't almost serendipitously found someone writing a post about. And when I am feeling lost and alone (even when surrounded by my family and friends in RL) reading every one's words about their trials and tribulations helps in a way that I hadn't found before.

I try to be a "glass half full" kind of person but it can be a struggle raising three very active and physical boys, married to and working with an entrepreneur struggling to keep a business afloat during a recession all while navigating the treacherous waters of (gasp) middle age. Sometimes the glass is half empty, fortunately I keep the bottle or coffee pot close at hand so that so I can always top it up as I fire up my computer and read my old favourites as well as lots of new (to me, anyways) friends.

Blackberries on the Dock

For years I have enjoyed my morning coffee and the paper on the dock. The coffee is easy, I get it all ready the night before so all I have to do is turn it on in the morning. The paper requires correct change and a boat ride but now that my boys are old enough to drive the little tin boat the paper is delivered into my hands. But now there is another option - reading on line or, as I am doing now, typing. Is it a good thing to still be so connected in the wilds of Algonquin Park? The jury is still out on that one. In the meantime I will try to balance the pile of books and magazines on my bedside table and all your latest posts.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Making new friends

There was a song we sang around the fire at camp,"Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold." Never made much sense to a girl who prefers silver jewelry any day but I get that it is about making new friends.



You, my bloggy ones are like the friends I used to have. The ones I could call in the middle of the night to pour out my woes to. The ones who would hold my hair while I threw up and who even took out my contacts and my hoola hoop-sized hoop earrings when I passed out on the couch. I miss those friends, the pre-marriage (or in my case post marriage but pre-kids since I got married when I was 23 and didn't get knocked up for 9 years) friends who were always up for a night out, didn't matter what time we had to be up the next day. We haunted bars and clubs, partied with random guys from Australia or where ever they pretended to be from. We hitch-hiked home from downtown to midtown for god's sake and no one ever got hurt except for the occasional broken heel or unidentified party wound. We were gorgeous and funny and smart and had the world by the balls - we had fun.



Now fun is something that is scheduled, pre-arranged to take place without the kids. But even when we do go out and have fun we pay for it the next day with killer hangovers, faces that lost in the eighth round to gravity and kids who demand pancakes at 6am. I miss my Girls. I live a life of testosterone-filled wrestling matches and conversations which revolve around farts and penises and who is better, faster, smellier. My house isn't decorated as much as boy-proofed. The Benjamin Moore White Cloud paint that was painstakingly applied to every bit of the previous owner's knotty f**king pine has been chipped by either a light saber, the puppy or the impact some one's head.



But tonight I sat in a pristine white bath tub surrounded by scented candles, sipped a glass of chilled wine and read a Jane Green novel. But, of course, not at home. I had to escape and I was lucky enough that my Other Half realized I had had enough and told my father's girlfriend and she arranged for my "spa get-away" at their house. I almost cried when she lead me into the bathroom where she had a plate of cookies, a bottle of wine and vases filled with lilacs. Who am I kidding? I did cry.



And I have cried a lot lately. I don't know if it is a cliched mid-life crisis, pre-menstural or pre-menopause but any way - it sucks and my only refuge is here with you guys. Checking up on who has commented on my silly posts about Random Thoughts or the crappy weather or whatever I spew forth. Clicking on my favourite parent bloggers, fashionists or politics junkies is a respite from the tragic comedy that has too many acts and no intermission in sight these days.


And then today I had to drag myself outside to go to the post office and the lady behind the counter presented me with a package with my name on it. My name? Not the business. Not the family. Just me and I knew what it was before I even looked at the green customs form on the box. It was a box of "Cheetos Big Balls" from Sane Without Drugs. I had commented on her post about how much her boys loved "Big Balls" and lamented the fact that they aren't available north of the border. Lickety split she packaged them up with a few DVD's that my boys were over the moon upon receiving and it made my crappy, self-pitying day (I watched "He's Just Not That Into You" under the covers this afternoon on pay-per-view for god's sake).



That's why you aren't just like my old friends - you are the new friends I am so happy to have gotten to know over the past few months. The shiny, cool, sparkly silver ones who inspire me, make me laugh and shake my head in amazement. And despite the fact that I did finish half that bottle of wine in the tub, I am not drinking and blogging. Not too much anyways.

Keyboard Nees New Battries

Will post asson as I find soe in the junk drawer:(

Talking about the Blog in Real Life

Cindy over at Figs, Lavender & Cheese (one of my favourite blog names) wrote a post about getting together with some fellow bloggers in San Francisco and heading out to wine country for a little nature, food, wine and blog talk. The photos of their meals will make you salivate but the fun they had getting to know one another in Real Life just made me jealous. The comments people made about the post were telling and many echoed exactly how I feel about telling people in my RL about my blog.

One astute commenter said "It is often awkward to start a conversation- "this woman on this blog I read--" so I have started saying "this woman I know", hoping I don't hear "from where?" because the answer "online" sounds a little creepy."

That is so true. I read so many interesting blogs and very opinionated comments that it is hard not to repeat them in RL conversations. The first couple of times I made mention of my blog I mostly got, "Really, I don't even have the time to go on facebook." (That's a slam from another mother if I ever heard one.) Then I would get "Really, what is it about?" My explanation usually goes something along the lines of, "Well, it is my way of getting back into writing after an 11 year hiatus," or " It's a way to have contact with the outside world while sitting at my desk all day doing mundane things for our family business." You can just picture the glazed over look this provokes.

Why is it so hard to explain to the non-blogging world what it is like to wake up itching to see what late night rants Dr. Monkey Muck has written or what toils and tribulations One Glass at a Time has been through over the weekend or even what gorgeous photos of Paris Simply Photo has posted. Every day I add another to my Must Read list. I am disappointed when there isn't anything new to read. What's the deal? Did you have to go and make dinner or get to work on time or something?

I have to admit that I also rush in from running errands to see if I have any new comments on my most recent, and what I considered, most brilliant post. I make notes to myself all the time - while I wait to pick up the boys, while I am in the car (I pull over, usually) at night while I am reading or watching TV. My family has noticed all this but so far everyone seems to ignore it unless they see a photo of themselves on the screen and then you'd think they were famous, they get so excited. Don't want to break it to them that they are known only to 13 followers, one of whom is their great aunt.

I hesitated using the term "Real Life" in the title of this post since I consider what I write about to be very real and I am sure what I read is all too real for many bloggers. Just because it is online doesn't make it any less so. We're not having sex or gambling away our kids' university fund or drinking ourselves under the table. No, we just talk/write alot about doing those things. Why do we still consider things done online creepy? The bastion of middle-aged men who live in their parent's basements and play war games in their Stormtrooper Helmets.

This blogging thing is very hard to explain - the connections, the friendships. I did have one friend who was very interested and I told her all about the women who flew from across the continent to attend the funeral of another blogger's daughter. None of them, as far as I know, had ever met in RL. Or the outpouring of support, emotional and financial for Braja in India who was in a terrible car accident. The friendships are real, as are the connections and in this somewhat fragmented world where we may or may not live close to family that counts for alot. So I, for one, will continue to read about your children and spouses. I will feel better knowing that I am not the only one who loses it with either of the above and I will live vicariously through the bright young things who blog about fashion and style. I will continue to make notes on the fantastic recipes and drool over the food photos and be inspired by the elegant rooms in the many design blogs. It's a strange and wonderful world out there and even if I can't explain it very well it is a real part of my life.

My Very Own Chamber of Sober Second Thought

Kyran over at Notes to Self is writing "Blogging 101" for all us neophytes. She is sort of my blogging hero as she has been able to parlay her blog into paying gigs in actual published form. Check out her article in Good Housekeeping called "Mommy Wears Prada" and you'll see why. Anyone who can combine writing, mothering and designer duds is a goddess in my books. Her suggestions on how to keep your life off and on-line from intersecting in an uncomfortable way are something we should all consider when posting.

I know I have wrestled with this. How much information is too much? I know for some bloggers they are perfectly happy putting themselves and their families out there for all to see and I love reading them. Me, I am a little more reserved and no, it's not because I am Canadian. You've read The Redneck Mommy haven't you? And I have my sister-in-law to thank both for encouraging me to blog in the first place and for being my very own Senate. For those non-Canadians, our Senate is called "The Chamber of Sober Second Thought" and it is supposed to take what ever the House of Commons sends them in the form of legislation and give it another look. That's what Beth does for me and it works. I think she is the only member of my family who reads my blog and that's the way I like it. I do self-censor but sometimes I get so caught up in my desire to be witty and relevant (and get lots of comments) that I step over the line. As I did a few weeks back when I posted something about a family member that went too far. Don't bother to look for it, it's long gone, thanks to Beth.

I guess the best way to read your posts is by thinking what would so-and-so say if by some weird alignment of the cosmos he or she happened upon your blog on the very day you decided to post about his or her total lack of parenting skills or how much they drank at Easter Brunch or whatever. There is always a chance, however remote that the one person you have posted about will stumble upon your blog on that particular day.

I love blogging but I never want my words to hurt anyone. We know what we are talking about but to an outsider it may not come across quite the same way. And besides, if someday I ever hope to get a writing job that pays I had better be careful what any prospective employer might find here. Kind of like what we warn teenager about when uploading all those photos from last weekend's party on to their facebook page. Be careful what you put out there in cyberspace 'cause you can't take it back.

Test

Sitting here at my desk seeing if I can make technology work for me. I'm not ready to Twitter but it would be great to blog from anywhere on my bb.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Dear Family, I am inhabiting an alternate universe.

Dear family,

I just thought I'd let you know that I am inhabiting an alternate universe. So if I don't jump right up to get you another glass of juice or find the jar of mayonnaise that is right in front of you on the top left side of the fridge, don't worry. I just thought I'd let you know.

No, it isn't Second Life or something creepy like that. It is a universe where mothers are always right, always witty and pretty and kind. They are supportive of one another and they let non-mothers visit anytime they want. Some I admire from afar, others I have actually come face to face with, so to speak and others kind of scare me but much like a car crash I can't look away. But I can go all over the world and peek in on other's lives, kind of like driving around at night peeking in windows. I think it makes us all feel better that we are not alone in this universe.

I'm not leaving you - yet, but I do find myself spending more and more time there when you all are at school and work. The reason I haven't mentioned it is because you wouldn't get it. Kind of like how grown-ups don't get the video games you play. It is kind of like Webkinz world, which I know you don't visit anymore (oh, those were the days of carefree innocence) I meet new people from all over the world everyday and make new friends. I know you can't believe it but mothers need to have their own life too.

In this world, no one talks back. Well, they call it commenting and it is usually done nicely and anyways I can't see if their are rolling their eyes. No one cares if I have one more glass of wine, in fact it is encouraged and unlike facebook everyone usually uses correct spelling, punctuation and grammar.

Yes, we share pictures of our families because everyone wants to have a face to put with the detailed description of your potty training or first date or man cold. But we also share photos of places we have visited, rooms we would like to live in and the food other than hotdogs and Kraft Dinner we would like to have the time to make and enjoy.

Don't worry though, I have no intention of moving permanently to this world but just to let you know if you can't find me that's where I'll be.

A Room of One's Own

I am sitting at my husband's desk while Number 2 son is on "my" computer in the kitchen. That's it, the one buried under field trip forms, capless markers, random scraps of paper with to do lists, a couple of stray hockey cards and the dust bunnies that have migrated from under the table to on top behind the printer. Usually I can clear a space for myself to work but at 3 o'clock I have hide everything so it doesn't get lost in the tsunami that appears every afternoon when the boys unpack their school bags. While some may dream of gourmet kitchens and others covet the ultimate spa en suite, all I desire, as Virgina Woolf put it, is "A Room of One's Own." Virginia was ahead of her time as she knew that "a woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction." While what I write is not all fiction, it is true that I would love to have a small space to call my own. A place to read, write and be me, not some body's mother or wife, but just me.

This blog is a start, it has helped me, after 11 years as a SAHM get back into writing. Who knows where it may lead?

For now, until our dream of an addition on the house is realized I will go back to my desk in the midst of the kitchen chaos and maybe I will make the suggestion that it might be a good idea for me to get my own laptop so the kids can commandeer the PC anytime they have homework or the uncontrollable urge to listen to Weird Al on You Tube. Soon enough they will be IMing and facebooking and the chances of me getting anywhere near the keyboard will be even slimmer. So I will officially launch my "since we don't have the money for an addition, maybe a laptop would be a good alternative" stealth campaign. I'll keep you posted.

If Sylvia Plath had been a Blogger

And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. ~Sylvia Plath

I think that quotation (which my sister-in-law sent me, thanks Beth) from a woman who struggled and suffered for her writing, ultimately killing herself at the age of 30 sums up why we blog. Who knows maybe there will be fewer cases of depression, even suicide if we can all get it out of our systems on line. I have noticed that some bloggers even call their blogs "therapy" or joke that blogging is cheaper than seeing a shrink. There is also, of course, the added benefit that you realize as you explore other people's words and images that you are not alone. There are other mothers out there who yell at their kids , others who are stuck in a job they don't like, who have friends who let them down and many with far more serious problems.

It is, for me anyway, like the old idea of the coffee clatch, women (and now men are able to join in) getting together to bitch, to commiserate, to sympathize and to support one another. People from all different backgrounds, geographic locations and life experiences are able to come together and I, for one, find this new world interesting, sometimes bizarre and in the end, very comforting.

When I read about other bloggers meeting in person or even when I read the banter that goes on between people in their comments (I have not yet ventured on to Twitter, but I am sure it is even more fun) I feel a part of something that is so much bigger than each one of us sitting at our computers trying to balance family, work, life with the need to write and share.

I know there are many who think the whole blogosphere is strange and a huge waste of time. But it is obviously filling a very great need for so many people. It provides a voice to mothers, political junkies (and combinations thereof) and so many, many more.

Some might say suggesting that if Sylvia Plath had only had a blog she wouldn't have taken her life is rather presumptuous but it is something to think about. On my darkest days I can read what someone else has written and it can make me smile or at least lets me know there are other intelligent, eloquent and downright hilarious people out there blogging as if their life depended on it. And I know that some days my life does.

My Random Blog List

When I look through my blog list I can find no common denominator. There are blogs for mothers, for Americans living in Canada (which I am not), artsy blogs, wacky blogs. I could add more everyday. I think that is why I like reading random blogs I find on other people's lists. You never know what you are going to get. It opens up a whole world that I would otherwise have never been a part of or never would have know existed.

Some are inspiring, some hilarious, some downright bizarre but they all exist out there in cyberspace and they come from a person sitting alone at his or her computer putting fingers to keyboard just like the olden days when people put pen to paper. How quaint, we think but not so very different. It gives the average person a chance to vent, to rant to praise, to be heard. I love the photos, the recipes, the clever names, the random links to other blogs and websites. I can get lost for hours (unfortunately, for my family's sake) but it also keeps me sane in the depths of winter, at home, working on trying to figure out why it is so hard to get boats to Boston in February.

It makes me feel like I am writing again since I gave up keeping a journal years ago and I haven't written professionally since before my kids were born. I wish I knew how to make my page look more interesting but I am learning and experimenting and maybe one day I will have a custom-designed blog that really reflects who I am. For now my words will have to do.

I loved this comment one blogger attributes to her husband. "Blog like no one is reading." That is my blogger mantra.