"Our life is frittered away by detail...simplify, simplify." - Henry David Thoreau

I know I said "blog like no one is reading" but it's nice to know these people are

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Warts and All

I know that I should be writing something cheery on this beautiful spring morning but as many of you know blogging is often a good way to get things off your chest so today I have christened a new label for my posts. Here goes the first "Warts and All" post of blog like no one is reading.

Yesterday was one of those that started okay but then spiralled downward out of control through no one's fault but my own. Every word that came out of my mouth was mean, every thought was negative. My children could do no right and everything I did was wrong and it was completely and utterly my fault. I shouldn't have let something my son told me upset me so much, he was merely repeating what a parent had said to their child about another one of mine. Something that was so ridiculous and untrue that I wanted to run over and scream horrible things from the sidewalk outside their house. I was tired and truth be told I had had two glasses of wine and if nothing else that always brings my emotions simmering just below to the surface and where a little thing can make me erupt like a volcano. Unfortunately it was the anger that came bubbling up and it threatened to engulf my children and even my Other Half who was hundreds of miles away.

I can't imagine what I would do if someone really threatened one of my children - this time it was just blaming one for something that had happened over five months ago which I thought had been dealt with and forgotten. But my real problem was that instead of picking up the phone and calling to ask for an explanation, instead I let it fester and when the boys started doing their usual thing - goofing around at bedtime, not brushing their teeth, I lost it - again for the third or forth time.

This isn't my way of saying I'm sorry to the boys, I did that when I tucked them in last night and while I still haven't figured out how I am going to deal with the other family, I know I have to get a handle on my anger and who it is directed at so that the volcano can remain dormant.

Watch your thoughts;
they become words.
Watch your words;
they become actions.
Watch your actions;
they become habits.
Watch your habits;
they become character.
Watch your character;
it becomes your destiny.
— Lao-Tze


  1. Following you now! What you posted was so true...sometimes we just have to take a deep breath and remember to not sweat the small stuff...I try to remember this... Because if what we think does not reflect truth then what we feel does not reflect reality! Quote out of Victory out of the Darkness by Neil Anderson. Thanks for sharing this post!

  2. I love your honesty in posting this. Makes me feel so much more normal, like I'm not the only one with days like that.

  3. Stopped by from FF! Have a great weekend.


  4. We all possess warts that are revealed once in awhile. Be gentle with yourself. Recognizing and apologizing for them goes a long way...

    Love the words/lessons of Lao-Tze.

  5. You are definitely not alone! Sometimes I have to remind myself that my kids all grew up to be good, loving people, and they don't seem to remember those days I was so angry at the mess they made, or the homework/chores that didn't get done.

    They remember the funny days, and the silliness and the love.

  6. Oh, this is a good one - I HATE it when I lose it on the kids - makes me feel like a complete schmuck. I think I'm going to print out that last bit and look at it every day...

  7. Oh, I had one of those days today. ;( I could really relate to this post.

  8. I can very much relate. I think it's great that you can recognize that you didn't handle the situation as best you could, but I hope you also remember to forgive yourself. Take a deep breath and start again. You are after all only human. On the occasions when I have had one of those moments I try to remind myself that kids also learn by watching us make mistakes, and by the way we apologize for it.

  9. My warts are just as pretty.

    Wise words from Lao Tze


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