Sex, Drugs and Grade 5

The other night my 11 year old and I were lying in bed reading - my idea of heaven is a place where all young boys would choose to read beside their mother instead of playing on their DS. Any how, we were lying there when he started to try and tell me something and the conversation went something like this.

Number One Son: Mum, ummm, if I tell you something, promise you won't get mad?

Me: Of course I won't. (At least, I hope I won't have to) Just tell me the truth.

Number One Son: Well, it's, like, ummmm ...

Me: Yes?

NOS: Ummm, well some of the kids at school, ummmm ...

Me: (Oh no, this could be serious) Yes, it's okay, you can tell me anything. (Gulp)

NOS: The kids at school were, like talking about something that, I, ummm, didn't know about. Don't get mad, but I lied.

Me: (Calmly) So the kids were talking about something and you lied and said you knew what they were talking about?

NOS: Yeah.

Me: What was it? (Help, help, help)

NOS: It was, ummm, it was, it was ...

Me: (Okay, I can't take much more, might as well jump right in) Was it ... drugs?

NOS: Noooo!

Me: (Deep breath) Was it ... sex?

NOS: Nooooooo!

Me: (OMG, is there something new that I don't even know about yet?) Well then, what were they talking about that you lied and said you knew about?

NOS: (Pregnant pause) Dirt bikes.

Me: Dirt bikes? (Is this some sort of code for illegal Grade 5 goings-on?)

NOS: Yeah, all the kids in my class have one and I said I knew how to ride one and I don't and I am the only kid in my class who doesn't!

Me: Right, I think this is something you need to talk to your father about, dirt bikes are not in my area of expertise.