"Our life is frittered away by detail...simplify, simplify." - Henry David Thoreau

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Saturday, May 2, 2009

My Date with five 9 year olds

Amy over at Bitchin' Wives Club did the best vblog about her Saturday night date with her nine year old son. Now, not that I am competitive and I know I am not quite up to doing a vlog but I can top her dinner and a movie with Captain Chaos. I did movie and dinner and sleepover with Number Two Son and four friends - on my own - at my father's house.

First off, I decided that holding the sleepover at my Dad's place was a good idea since a) he is still down south and b) Sons Number One and Three would stay at home with my Other Half.

So Number Two Son was thrilled with the plan, a sleepover at the Resort, as well call Dad's place complete with swimming pool, hot tub, basketball net, pool table and two big screen TV's (I commandeered one for myself to watch Before Sunrise) The gang met at our house and piled into the truck and I just drove and listened to the conversations between the five boys. Mostly they went like this:

"Have you got your iPod?"

"Yeah, iPods are sick."

"Put on I'm on a Boat."

"Yeah, that's sweet."

"Yeah, but my Mum hates the bleeps, so I downloaded the one without the bleeps and then she said it wasn't the bleeps she hated."

Me: "Right, I don't like the word the bleeps are covering, ergo I don't like hearing the bleeps."

"Put it on!"

"What movie are we going to?"

"Not Wolverine, my Mum said no."

"Wolverine's sick, I love it."

"It only came out today."

"Yeah, I know, it's sick."

That was pretty much the entire evening's conversation, kind of like being stuck on a hamster wheel with a bunch of boys trying to out do each other in cool factor. Of course, we didn't see Wolverine, we saw 17 Again and yes, I did have a cougar moment when Zac Efron took off his shirt, even though he is too skinny and pretty boy for my taste. And poor Matthew Perry, well let's just hope that the bags under his eyes were prosthetics.

After 4 large bags of uneaten popcorn, five large Cokes, "We can have Coke - with caffeine, my Mum said so!" Numerous trips to the washrooms. The worst thing about being a Mother of Boys as they get older - having to hover outside of the men's room glaring at every guy/potential pedophile who walks in.

We headed back to the Resort and the boys went straight into the hot tub and even the swimming pool which is not heated. I broke out the Pizza Pops, Cheetos, Doritos and Root Beer.

Outside the conversation continued along these lines:

"I'm the first one in!"

"I've got shrinkage!"

"That's sick."

"Me too."

"No you don't."

"Yes, I do."

First off, do they even know what shrinkage is? Second, only 9 year olds can turn it into a competition, as in who's got the most shrinkage.

After they dried off and barely touched the junk food fest I had so lovingly prepared for them, they cranked up the iPod and had a dance party (who knew 9 year olds boys loved to dance?) After shakin' their booty and doing "the Michael Jackson" which consists of dancing while grabbing their crotches (perhaps due to shrinkage), they took their Sleepover Survival Kits, ie. more junk and headed up to play pool and watch The Hulk. I took my kit, ie. a bottle of Pinot Grigio and my movie and headed to the opposite end of the house.

The Hulk didn't keep them enthralled for long so they switched to Yes Man. And while I had checked out Wolverine on Common Sense Media, I did not look up Yes Man. Here, from the review, is what I missed:

Sex: Kissing (some chaste, some fairly passionate); a man shows off his backside while wearing a hospital gown. An elderly woman propositions a much younger man and pleasures him orally; she takes off her dentures, and then the man's face is shown on camera morphing from overwhelmed to shocked to ecstatic

You can imagine the conversation after that.

And so the evening continued. At 12:30am I turned off the TV, put away the pool cues and told them they could talk quietly.

at 1am I went back in to put away the billiard balls.

at 1:30am I separated their sleeping bags, they looked like a litter of puppies and kept farting in each others' faces (which apparently isn't sick.)

at 2am I threatened to put them in separate rooms

at 2:30am I threatened to make my son sleep with me

at 3am I threatened to drive them all home

at 3:30am I yelled loudly from my bed

at 6:30am, I heard the click of the billiard balls

at 7am I got up to put the Eggos in the toaster

at 7:30am I collected all the wet towels on the way to the hot tub

at 8:30am I asked the boys to pick up their stuff

at 9am I picked up their stuff

at 9:30 am I drove them home

at 8:30pm I went to bed

Number Three Son's birthday is in 26 days.


  1. Lord help me.

    What an awesome Mom you are :)

  2. You're totally sick for holding this party for you son. Seriously. Knowing it might possibly drive you insane, you did it any way and he'll remember it for a long time.

    And can I say that I love the end with the threating and yelling from the bed ...that's so me at regular bedtime.

  3. That's sick.

    (Sounds like quite an adventure.)

  4. You captured the life & conversations of nine year old boys so well!
    Have you thought about how many more years you have of this?! (It's all worth it...)

  5. Oh god, I hadn't. But I did warn my Dad that he will have to change all the locks once the boys are driving.

  6. Great idea to divide up the kids!! A party house without their siblings. Absolutely fabulous!


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